This happened again a few days later. NPR (National Public Radio) is my favorite program while driving, and I heard mention of the nominees for best picture of the year academy awards. When I heard the words: The King’s Speech…I said aloud: "Hmm, they made a movie about Martin Luther King and I haven’t heard about it!"
As before, I didn't give this much thought – or even care enough to investigate the movie with the title The King's Speech.
A few weeks pass, and again I was listening to my car radio while driving. A program was already in progress. I did not hear any of the names of persons involved in a conversation, but I did hear the subject for discussion: the subject was stuttering. It immediately caught my attention because as a child and young man I had this speech impediment. As I continued to listen I was startled to full attention when I heard that this was the core subject of the movie, The King's Speech. Yes, I was now very alert. I decided that I must go and see this movie.
To top it off, I watched the Academy Awards television program, which I normally do not do. I noticed that The King’s Speech was among the nominations for best movie of the year. And when I saw highlights of the movie, my feelings were reinforced: I must see this movie.
Then, the very next day, in the afternoon of Thursday, March 3rd, 2011, I went to see The King's Speech!!
Wow! Double and triple wow!
I fully realize that there are different strokes for different folks ... But for me this movie triggered areas in my life and uncovered memories that were buried for 75 years!!
I thought that I was fully healed of these past memories. Yet, many lingered, only waiting for a movie such as this to trigger emotions – stuff that I once called sticky goo.
Yes, I understand that this movie is about a completely different individual – a KING soon to be, with all the rights and advantages of such royalty. Nonetheless, the images that drifted from the huge and wide screen broke through to this "old man" sitting alone in a seat in a theater. I was touched on levels I cannot now find words to describe.
When I was a child I stuttered, and as a young man I stuttered. If you have the ability to listen very carefully, you may detect that I once had a severe speech impediment. Underneath my present-day voice, there exists a little child with a life filled with fears – some real, and some imagined.
This movie, The King’s Speech, in some strange and mystical way, is my story.
While watching the movie, I cried. If I had permitted myself to be so bold and free, I would have yelled and screamed, but, of course. I did not do this. When the movie was over and I left the theater, I cried. While I was driving home, my body shook; I did not know why. When I arrived safely home, I nearly collapsed from exhaustion and weakness, and I did not know why.
I went to see this movie again. I missed too much the first time. I saw it again twice, and I purchased my own copy.
One particular scene stands out clearly while I write these words. It is the scene when Bertie visits his brother, Edward (King Edward VIII). Edward is entertaining guests, introducing them to his girlfriend and soon to be wife, Mrs. Simpson. Edward leaves the party to go to the wine cellar in search for a special bottle of wine, and Bertie tags along, pleading as he goes for Edward not to go through with the thought of marriage to a divorced woman. At one point the two brothers stand face to face, and the older brother confronts Bertie, but Bertie cannot reply. His tongue is tied; he stammers and cannot get a word out.
At this point I completely fell to pieces. Memories came flooding back. I did not see who the accusers were that mocked me, and had me in such a state of fear that I could not speak.
When I was a little boy I did not feel that I had a friend. But Bertie did: Lionel Logue.
Tom Hooper, director of The King's Speech said:
"We all have blocks between us and our best selves. Whether it's shyness, insecurity or anxiety, we navigate these on a daily basis. Bertie had a profound version of that block. I think the story of someone overcoming that block to their best self is a universal story."
The blocks “between us and our best selves” are tremendous obstacles, and they are as varied as the many faces of humanity. A movie like The King’s Speech can give the viewer a jolt to his memories, where he is enabled to feel the essence of his unique blocks, and walk away with a new courage and determination to do something about them.
Yet, when he walks out of the theater and feels the sting of the cold evening air, he may awake quickly to the fact that he does not have a friend like Logue to come alongside and assist him.
To do it alone is not the answer that this movie gives. Self-help can only carry us so far, but not far enough.
We all need a friend like Logue; Logue represents the helper we all need and long for. Where will we find such friend?
+ + + +
This was the year 2011 – the early part of that year. Fast forward now to the year 2015.
I have not remained locked in blocks to my best self. I am not locked into the experiences of a five year-old boy.
I am here: I am present…in this room with 11 other adults. I am here: an 80 year-old man and I am living proof that change toward my best self is possible.
Today it is four years later: mid-2015. My story continues. It is the story of the process of healing toward my best self.
Change toward our best self is not only possible, it is also very real.
I have learned that change to my best self is not instantaneous. It is a process.
I have also learned that a law exists that applies to this: It is called “the law of progress.”
No person need remain stuck in the blocks between us and our best selves.
“Progress is the one law of the universe that exists always, and man, when he gets in condition, will always be the object and subject of that law.”
____________________________
Originally written March 7th, 2011
Edited June 15th, 2015 for an oral reading:
C.H.E.W. – “Coffee House Extraordinary Writers”
Prescott Public Library, June 16th, 2015
– Joseph Babinsky