With this brief sketch, perhaps you can imagine how happy I was to see the month of May arrive. And when the date of the twentieth approach closer, I began to sigh with deep breaths of relief. As far as I know, no person realized I was feeling this way. I didn’t speak about my feelings of anxiety with anyone.
Early in the morning on May twentieth, I woke with purpose. I knew exactly what I desired to do … and began preparations. I proposed to drive four miles to the Prescott National Forest and go for a walk at Lynx Lake. This doesn’t sound like much, but it was a significant thought. I am a walker and have always loved to walk. From early childhood and through my adult life I have always maintained the exercise of walking as a daily routine. But this fell to the wayside after I was stunned by the news that I had diabetes. I can’t explain why and can only say that I stopped exercising. I stopped walking. So, here I was, on the morning of my eighty-third birthday and I was proposing to go for a walk in the forest! Was this foolishness, or was it boldness? Would I be able to walk down the slope to the trail that follows the shoreline of the lake? Would I be able to walk a mile?
The gate to the parking area at Lynx Lake opens at 7:00am. I was up much earlier than that and was ready to go. I arrived shortly after seven and there were vehicles already parked. Fishermen and early walkers, I conjectured. I brought a small backpack to carry. In it there was only a ball-point pen and a writing journal, with plenty of space for my heavy shirt when I no longer needed to wear it. The air was cold and I am glad I thought to wear something warm. I was prepared. I was ready to begin.
Oh, my, I felt good to be at Lynx Lake. I felt blessed. I felt that the forest was waiting for me. At the top of the sloped-trail leading to the lake, I stopped, took out my cell phone camera and snapped a few photos of the panoramic scene of the lake in the midst of the forest. Then I slowly walked down to the water, smiling as I did.
The air was calm and the water was a sheet of glass except for ripples where ducks and cormorant birds swam looking for breakfast. Two blue herons startled me when they lifted in flight to a new location away from this walker. I walked forward with slow steps. I was in no hurry, plus, I doubt that I could walk faster than I was. This is the way it was for the next hour. I had plenty of time to stop often and take photos of the beauty that is Lynx Lake and enjoy the freshness of the morning air and the invigorating feeling I always experience when I am near the tall Ponderosa Pine Trees.
There it was. Ahead was my destination, the location I love and where I have stopped in years past to sit and rest and to write in my journal. Earlier years, I climbed to a special place where I rested against a large pine tree to write. Today I would not try this. I knew the limits of my present strength. I walked forward to sit on a bench located near the shoreline.
The sun was warm on my body and took off the heavy shirt I was still wearing. I reached into my backpack for the journal and a pen and began writing reflections for my eighty-third birthday.
I began: “I am a happy man.” These were identical words I wrote in my journal on May 20, 2005, thirteen years ago on the occasion of my seventieth birthday. The happiness I feel today is both the same and different. Happiness is now deeper. And greater gratitude permeates the feeling of happiness I am experiencing.
I wrote reflectively that the story of my life journey has not ended: it continues. I am surprised that I am here today at Lynx Lake and that I was able to walk as far as I did. I am older and it is a fact that I am not as strong as I once was. I am here today, walking slowly in the forest I love, sitting on a bench close to the water’s edge and writing in my journal. I am grateful and so very thankful. The feeling of anxiety has disappeared. I feel loved.
Everyone needs a location where they go to find peace and renewal. Today, on my eighty-third birthday, I returned home to mine.
Yes, I am a happy man.
Joseph Babinsky
Written May 20, 2018
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